Monday, January 07, 2008

Natural Disaster Theme Restaurant Opens In Bloomington

BLOOMINGTON, IN—A new restaurant, designed to treat diners to the effect of eating while in the midst of a natural disaster, opened in Bloomington last week to mixed reviews. The biggest knock against the concept, it seems, is the downtime for clean up the restaurant requires between each seating.

General Manager and part-owner, Marley Biggs, estimates the staff spends approximately four hours cleaning up the various dining rooms, in contrast to the roughly 45 minutes it takes for diners to consume their meals.

"We either need to hire more people," she said, "or figure out a way to streamline the cleanup process. I realize this is relatively new to most of us, and my employees are truly busting their asses to make it work, but we have to put a better system in place if we are going to eventually expand the way we would like…and anything over two, two-and-a-half hours for clean up is simply unacceptable.

"We saw this work to perfection in St. Louis," she continued. "I was there with my partners for a food and beverage trade show, and the proprietor of a local restaurant with a similar theme invited us over to check it out. It was one of the most unique dining experiences I’d ever had, and we all agreed it was something we thought we could make work.

"The Tornado Room waiter at the St. Louis restaurant was awesome, and from what I understand, the Earthquake Room was equally impressive. The thing is, we saw how they were able to pull this off, and light bulbs went on in our heads. We figured if they could do it there with a small, five-disaster restaurant, why couldn’t we bring the idea to our area and expand to 10, 15 — I don’t know…how many disasters are there?"

According to Biggs, when a customer makes a reservation — her facility can accommodate parties of up to 50 people — they have the option of choosing a specific room based on availability. In addition to the Tornado Room and the Earthquake Room, the restaurant boasts a Hurricane Room, the Flash Flood Room, the extremely popular Avalanche and Mudslide Rooms, and several variations of Tsunami and Typhoon Rooms which are used primarily for mid- to large-size banquets and parties. She said plans are in the works for a Forest Fire Room, but this has been delayed due to insurance requirements.

Back in the Tornado Room, tables are set with water glasses, polished silverware, a breadbasket and butter, and various condiments. The tablecloths are simple and elegant, but appropriately made of heavy vinyl for repelling spilled liquid and easier cleanup. There is no indication anywhere of impending doom.

After diners are seated, and drink and appetizer orders are taken, the lighting in the room dims considerably and the overhead sprinkler system goes on. The "rain" comes down, a very light mist at first that gradually increases to a steady shower. The wait staff hurries in with scaled-down umbrellas for the guests in their sections.

The patter of rain on the umbrellas seems to increase in tempo and a brisk wind rises from behind. Lights designed to simulate lightning flash menacingly, and the sound of thunder rolling in interrupts any conversation. Nothing can be heard over the gusts of wind, thunder, and warning sirens blaring from speakers hidden somewhere in the corners of the room. At this point, guests are in the middle of a torrential downpour — with water flowing freely over the edges of extended umbrellas and BB-size "hail" bouncing off the table and floor. The hail feels cold and seems to increase in size as it begins to inflict at least minor damage to the exposed glassware and table settings.

After an appropriate amount of time, the warning sirens grow even louder and their duration longer, drowning virtually every sound other than the spitting hail and water. A look around finds other diners increasingly poised to take cover, some already half under their tables, as the room glows an eerie green.

Soon everyone ditches their umbrellas for the relative safety of the table bases, which are slightly elevated on individual islands. Guests watch as the rainwater gathers in puddles, and then separates in all directions as it gains momentum down random paths toward the drainage areas at the sides of the room.

The fierce wind that blew debris across place settings and displaced anything of insufficient weight just seconds ago dies almost completely, and time is suspended during — quite literally — the calm before the storm.

From seemingly nowhere, the Tornado Waiter "touches down" with a leap from an unseen perch. He truly resembles a human funnel cloud as he proceeds to cause havoc in isolated spots in the dining room, running and spinning at what seems like an impossible speed of rotation, bumping and upsetting the various coffee and water stations setup throughout the dining room, flailing his arms and legs, crashing and breaking objects with aggressive swipes across random tabletops — devastating virtually everything that dares cross his haphazard path until — well-protected under the tables and chairs, and amid the broken glass and plates, diners hear…nothing.

The initial storm has passed, and the sounds of light rain and distant thunder are interrupted by the pierce of the "all clear" siren.

On cue, the servers and busboys come out from wherever it is they take cover, and again greet their respective tables, helping guests off the floor when necessary. Diners stand and brush off their clothing — wringing out shirtsleeves & jackets and closing umbrellas — all the while scanning the interior to assess the damage.

Conversation, in the form of hesitant probes, begins again. "Is everyone okay?" "Does anyone else need a drink?" One lady searches frantically for her young son, and is visibly relieved when informed he simply wandered into the Tsunami Room during the tornado.

Some guests meander on the sidelines, then — after the staff returns the dining room to some semblance of order — re-seat themselves, looking forward to the meal and conversation still ahead. At the same time, the unspoken question lingers in the damp, musty air: when does this ordeal happen again?

Afterward, a group of diners gathered at the door getting ready to leave. "I have to give that wait staff credit," said one guest. "They are very good but, for obvious reasons, the service here is somewhat slow."

When asked his opinion of the food quality, he looked puzzled. "They serve food here?"

12 comments:

Bitchy Waitress said...

I'm not sure what I think about this concept? My first thought is "Who would want to eat dinner during a natural disaster?" I don't know...I just don't know...And, given the fact that their food is "forgettable," it's obvious that their pride lies in their ambiance rather than their food...it's definitely weird.

Vanessa said...

Most unusual. I'm not sure I'd give it a try. Maybe they could modify it a bit? Not quite so much rain? We do have global warming and if folks are patient we can all have our very own natural disaster.

sheepworrier said...

"Tornado waiter" - brilliant.

Dennis said...

Hey, BW...yes, the food is the question. Given the less than ideal climate, what menu items COULD they serve?

In regard to global warming, Vanessa...very funny (and relevant) point.

Thanks, sheep. The original idea was actually my wife's, and the result of some very good pot. I simply wrote the article.

upset waitress said...

I'd definitely give it a try. I'd do the tsunami room because I'm an excellent swimmer. I've never gone out to dinner in my swim suit.

Dennis said...

Hey, UW...you'll appreciate this: someone (sorry, can't give up the name, ha) actually e-mailed me to find out where this particular restaurant is located and asked if I've ever been there myself.

I hate to be the one to break this to the readers of this blog, but...THESE ARTICLES ARE SATIRE. THEY ARE MADE UP...BY ME. This isn't real. It's SUPPOSED to be funny.

Manuel said...

I used to work in "bomb evacuation restaurant" awh happy days the mid 90's....happy days...

Dennis said...

Hey, manuel. Is that an idea for a Guest Post article?

upset waitress said...

Dennis, this is satire? Well that kind of sucks! Dis-regard my email then. Pfft. I was really looking forward to having my own catch cooked after the flash flood. Thanks a lot.

Ali said...

Put me down for a reservation :) I have to say, if this place existed, I'd probably go check it out. I mean, seriously, how could you not?

Dennis said...

UW...your welcome?

Ali...I think it would be awesome, seriously.

Now, that said, it WOULD NOT be as awesome as, say, Big Bertha's Brothel & Burgers ("Where Quality Meat Is Never Rare").

BTW...check out fohboh.com

Manuel said...

just name the day.....