MIAMI BEACH, FL—When Mark's, an upscale restaurant in Miami Beach, instituted a children’s menu to attract more families, management had no idea so many people would take advantage of the smaller portions, lower prices, and inherent entertainment value, regardless of the customer’s age.
Manager Tony Martin says it did indeed attract more families, but also drew extremely skinny girls and those who simply love to color. "The menus come with crayons that are fun for the kids…and apparently undernourished women get a kick out of them, too."
In an attempt to curb the practice, Martin directed his wait staff to card anyone who asks for a children’s menu, but looks older than ten-years-old. "We have to draw the line somewhere, and often it’s hard to tell the true age with how freaky-skinny some of these chicks are. And don’t even get me started on gymnasts and handicapped kids. Who can ever tell with them?"
In their attempt to differentiate the real kids from the fakers, the wait staff has noticed at least one telltale sign: real kids almost never order hard liquor.
Jake, a veteran server of Mark's and other fine dining restaurants, said, "If a girl has already had a couple of Cosmos before I bring the menus, she is probably not getting a box of crayons from me no matter how tiny she is. She may be hammered, but usually, I’m not."
Jake did mention, however, that he would undoubtedly try to "hit that" later. "Our cosmos are good and strong, man. They do the legwork for you, if you know what I mean."
Martin has considered using a reverse version of Cedar Point’s "YOU MUST TO BE THIS TALL TO RIDE" idea before handing out the $5-$10 version of his specialties and Crayolas, but said he needs a good design first.
"You can’t just stick some cardboard bear holding a yardstick at the front door of a fine dining restaurant," said Martin.
"I mean…cardboard? C’mon. This is Mark's."
Martin said he hopes people will be more honest, but if that doesn’t happen, he will abolish the children’s menu altogether, and suggest the kids stay in the car with the windows cracked.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Wait Staff Forced To Check ID Due To Child's Menu Abuse
Posted by Dennis at 7:06 AM
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12 comments:
Hah Love it. But I wouldn't use the cardboard bear either. It has to be a giraffe.
Geez. Up a bit early, aren't you? Or, have you even gone to sleep?
Hey, next time you get hammered, be sure to post a comment here. It's very funny.
If only they'd stop making those crayons so damn tasty...
OK Dennis, that will be in about a few hours from now. I'm starting early today :)
LOL @ sheepworrier. Following your logic, if they started including paste and Playdough, there would be zero need for kids' menus.
Sorry, I missed that post, UW. Still not drunk enough?
but it's bloody true though.....all of it.....
Unbelievably funny tongue-in-cheek humor. I hav to read one post at a time or I will, snort coffe through my nose, or piss myself laughing
Don't piss yourself anonymous. It's funner to piss on that ugly yard ornament your grandma got you last year for x-mas. If your grandma isn't as tacky as mine is, and you don't have an ugly eyesore of a yard ornament, then buy one for the sole purpose of pissing on it. Invite your friends to piss on it as well. I promise you will laugh for days.
UW: I "killed" that yard ornament two years ago. Drowned it. :-)
Dennis, I just finished the "Inside the Box" story. I've never had a "nice" female boss before. I must be missing something.
Anonymous...while nice female bosses are rare, according to that article this may be something worth searching out. I met a lady like the one in the article, and those who were "promoted" said it was all fun & games til her husband found out. I'm serious.
Awww, give the drunk women crayons!!!! It's funny to see what we can draw!
There is one thing to have to show ID to prove that you have reached a certain age (for sex-related stuff, cigarettes, alcohol, violent movies - whatever) for legal reasons. It is an entirely different thing to force people to reveal their age for no particular legal reason.
If people buy children's dishes because those dishes are smaller and thereby cheaper, then there is obviously something wrong with the available choices that the restaurant has to offer adult people. If there is a demand for smaller dishes, then why isn't that offered? Prohibiting adult people from buying their smaller and cheaper dishes would just mean that those customers would go elsewhere.
Aren't enough natural resources wasted because of food left on people's plates? Doesn't America have enough overweight people? Where is the common sense here? If there is an extra cost with providing crayons, why don't they just make the crayons age-dependent, and not the dish-size itself?
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